I can tuck mytits in my pants
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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