it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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