just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
