I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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