the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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