Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
