I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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