i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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