I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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