Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
