Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Randomize
