I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
