I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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