HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
