Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
well you can't waste a boner
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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