So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
