he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
