If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
