Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
