You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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