I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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