so let's talk penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
