I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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