So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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