He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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