You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
