I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
