I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
