I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
