she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
