You're completely useless in the revolution.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want nice things and good sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
