so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
