It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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