I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
