How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
