do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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