she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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