I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to make a zoo with you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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