Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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