Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
