he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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