...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
