I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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