This is not my ceiling
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
