My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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