Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
