Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
