dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
