I think I won the penis lottery.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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