No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm at about main and main street
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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