i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
