oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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