he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this boner is exhausting
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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