I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
