theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you never un-have a 4some
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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