That's when you crack a 10am beer
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
