i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
