My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
