The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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