i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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