Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
