Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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