Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
