I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
