Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
