And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
