my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I currently don't understand fingers.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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