I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
