you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
